Monday, April 15, 2024

Best 100 Bill Watterson Quotes


1.“Reality continues to ruin my life.”

2.“It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.”

3.“Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”

4.“You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help.”

5.“I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”

6.“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.”

7.“You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.

8.“I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you’re doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you’re lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you’re really lucky.”

9.“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”

10.“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”

11.“Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world’s problems?”

12.“You know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon…everything’s different.”

13.“In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.”

14.“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!!”

15.“As far as I’m concerned, if something is so complicated that you can’t explain it in 10 seconds, then it’s probably not worth knowing anyway.”

16.“We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.”

17.“That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!”

18.“Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said ‘I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?”

19.“If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I’ll bet they’d live a lot differently. ”

20.“Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.”

21.“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”

22.“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”

23.“I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.”

24.“Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.”

25.“I’m learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework…procrastinating and negotiation.”

26.“God put me on earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I’m so far behind, I’ll never die.”

27.“I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient’s friends.”

28.“You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.’

29.“That’s one of the remarkable things about life. It’s never so bad that it can’t get worse.”

30.“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can play together all night.”

31.“Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you’re just a reflection of him?”

32.“You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.”

33.“Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.”

34.“I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.”

35.“Life’s a lot more fun when you aren’t responsible for your actions.”

36.“I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.”

37.“A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.”

38.“Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine and valleys of frustration and failure.”

39.“To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.”

40.“If you can’t control your peanut butter, you can’t expect to control your life.”

41.“Every time I’ve built character, I’ve regretted it.”

42.“The problem about the future is that it keeps turning into the present.”

43.“Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.”

44.“I’m related to people I don’t relate to.”

45.“Years from now, when I’m successful and happy, …and he’s in prison… I hope I’m not too mature to gloat.”

46.“I’m not a vegetarian! I’m a dessertarian!”

47.“People pay more attention when they think you’re up to something.”

48.“For no reason I can think of, I’ve wandered far astray. And that is how I got to where I find myself today.”

49.“Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.”

50.“The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that’s even worse”

51.“The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.”

52.“I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track. ”

53.“I’ve got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.”

54.“I have all these great genes, but they’re recessive. That’s the problem here.”

55.If you don’t get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams.”

56.“People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.”

57.“Reading goes faster if you don’t sweat comprehension.”

58.“I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.”

59.“Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.”

60.“I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.

61.“I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people.”

62.“I don’t think I’d have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I’d known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.”

63.“I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.”

64.“But for my own example, I’d never believe one little kid could have so much brains!”

65.“Mothers are the necessity of invention.”

66.“I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.”

67.“It’s going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn’t know anything but what it’s seen on TV.”

68.“Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.

69.“Boy, there’s nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.”

70.“Good friends are hard to come by.. I need more money.”

71.“I’m resolving to just wing it and see what happens.”

72.“Know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything’s different.”

73.“It’s surprising how hard we’ll work when the work is done just for ourselves.”

74.“If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don’t get asked to do it again.”

75.“It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.”

76.“Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves.”

77.“People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.”

78.“Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend”

79.“I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word ‘booger’ in a newspaper comic strip.”

80.“It’s psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I’ll get a saw.”

81.“Once it’s too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is.”

82.“I know the world isn’t fair, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?”

83.“Isn’t it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor?”

84.“Repetition is the death of magic.”

85.“Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery — it recharges by running.”

86.“Problems often look overwhelming at first. The secret is to break problems into small, manageable chunks. If you deal with those, you’re done before you know it.”

87.“There’s a sort of jet lag when you time-travel to your own past.”

88.“Of course, REAL zombies never get the giggles when they look at each other…”

89.“Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!”

90.“Oh lovely snowball, packed with care, smack a head that’s unaware! Then with freezing ice to spare, melt and soak through underwear! Fly straight and true,hit hard and square! This, oh snowball, is my prayer. I only throw consecrated snowballs.”


92.“Things I will never like: 1. Drying off with a cold, damp towel. 2. The feeling of seaweed wrapping around my legs. 3. Anything that was popular in the 70’s. 4. Licorice, yam, or raisins. 5. That high-pitched screech that babies make. 6. Writhing maggots.”

93.“There are few things less comforting than a tiger who’s been up too late.”

94.“Don’t look into car headlights and freeze, because you’ll either get run over or shot!”

95.“My book is called, “Shut Up And Stop Whining: How To Do Something With Your Life Besides Think About Yourself.”

96.“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”

97.“You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can’t take the jungle out of the tiger.

98.“It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy, let’s go exploring!”

93.“The best proof of extraterrestrial intelligence is that they haven’t contacted us.”

100.“I’m thinking of starting my own talk radio show. I’ll spout simplistic opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and generally foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialog!”

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