Monday, April 15, 2024

Mark Twain 100 Best Quotes

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1.“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

2.“Human beings can be awful cruel to one another.”

3.“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”

4.I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

5.“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

6.“You can’t reason with your heart; it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.”

7.“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).”

8.“Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better.”

9.”‘Classic’–a book which people praise and don’t read.”

10.A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read.

11.“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

12.“Good books, good friends and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

13.“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”

14.“What’s the use you learning to do right when it’s troublesome to do right and ain’t no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?”

15.”There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined.”

16.Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

17.“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”

18.“There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.”

19.“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”

20.“Stars and shadows ain’t good to see by.”

21.”Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

22.Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.

23.“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

24.“The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn’t it be?–it is the same the angels breathe.”

25.“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”

26.“Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.”

27.”Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear.”

28.Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

29.“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”

30.“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

31.“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

32.“I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.”

33.”Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

34.Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

35.“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”

36.“He was sunshine most always-I mean he made it seem like good weather.”

37.“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”

38.“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”

39.”Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.”

40.Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.

41.“Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.”

42.“To get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.”

43.“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

44.“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”

45.”If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed.”

46.Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it
thousands of times.

47.“Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.”

48.“I came in with Halley’s Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it.”

49.“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

50.“Huckleberry was cordially hated and dreaded by all the mothers of the town because he was idle, and lawless, and vulgar, and bad – and because all their children admired him so, and delighted in his forbidden society, and wished they dared to be like him.”

51.”Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

52.God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board

53.“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

54.“When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.”

55.“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”

56.“I ain’t doing my duty by that boy, and that’s the Lord’s truth, goodness knows. Spare the rod and spile the child, as the Good Book says. I’m a-laying up sin and suffering for us both, I know. He’s full of the Old Scratch, but laws-a-me! he’s my own dead sister’s boy, poor thing, and I ain’t got the heart to lash him, somehow. Every time I let him off, my conscience does hurt me so, and every time I hit him my old heart most breaks.”

57.”Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.”

58.I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.

59.“To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.”

60.“Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple’s sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.”

61.“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”

62.“Ah, if he could only die temporarily!”

63.”Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”

64.. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to
open it and remove all doubt.

65.“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”

66.“Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute.”

67.“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”

68.“I could forgive the boy, now, if he’d committed a million sins!”

69.”If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

70.“Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.”

71.“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.”

72.“Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.”

73.“Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.”

74.”What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one’s self-approval.”

75.. It is easier to stay out than get out

76.“If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.”

77.“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.”

78.“Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.”

79.“You only just tell a boy you won’t ever have anybody but him, ever ever ever, and then you kiss and that’s all. Anybody can do it.”

80.”Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”

81.Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

82.“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

83.“The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.”

84.“Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.”

85.“As you perceive, the only person responsible for the couple’s offense escaped; and not only escaped but became the executioner of the innocent.”

86.”If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.”

87.Man is the only animal that blushes – or needs to

88.“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”

89.“Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things can not be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”

90.“Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”

91.“Your country and mine is an interesting one, but there is nothing there that is half so interesting as the human mind.”

92.”Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life.”

93.Never put off till to-morrow what you can do day after to-morrow just as well

94.“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”

95.“Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.”

96.“If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.”

97.“What the insane Father required was blood and misery; he was indifferent as to who furnished it.”

98.”Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.”

99.Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

100.“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

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